The Book of Randomness
Behold... The Book of Randomness. Many scrolls have been published in Pyrrhia. But some weren't... Luckily, we managed to recollect some of the remains of the scrolls! Some of them, burned by venom or fire. Others, hidden away in a treasure chest where the key was thrown away into the ocean. But we managed to recollect them, and pieced them together to create the Book! Winter's Day Winter had fallen in blissful sleep, only to awake in a wooden Scandivanian-esque inn. "Huh?" he said, twisting his neck around. "Where am I?" He looked outside to see Kinkajou and Moon in ski outfits, happily skiing down a slope. Kinkajou happily slid down in her pink-and-yellow ski jacket, herself pink and yellow in excitement and joy. Moon, in her black-and-turquoise jacket, nervously remained at the top in that adorable way of hers. Winter angrily slapped himself. Ugh! What's wrong with you, Winter?! Calling a NightWing, of all dragons, adorable! Are you an IceWing or a RainWing?! Don't be stupid! Would mother and father want this?! But Winter's heart said, It doesn't matter what mother and father think. They don't matter anyway. I have to admit... ... That I should stop being so mean to her. Winter got up and walked outside. He breathed in the glorious freezing air. It was so much like his home in the Ice Kingdom. He stepped outside. He gazed at the jittering Moon, her silver teardrop scales glittering in the sunlight. He walked outside and walked up to her, trying his best to ignore the crowded butterflies in his stomach. He walked over to her and froze when she turned to him. "Oh! Hey, Winter! I didn't notice you there. Do you want to ski with me, too?" The butterflies must've flown up to Winter's brain, because he could barely think straight. "Um," he babbled, "I like it! Skiing, I mean. I would like to date you! WAIT, NO! I'd, erm, buy cookies for you?" Winter wanted to slap himself. Wow, great job at being an idiot, Winter! No wonder Mother and Father want nothing to do with you. Winter ignored his mind and took a deep breath. "...Um, Winter? Are you okay? Like, mentally okay? You don't seem alright..." "Okay, listen, Moon, pretend everything you heard me say never happened. Let's just say you were hallucinating! Okay? Also, I don't want to date you. Like, I hate you. Wait, no, I like you! NO! Erm..." "..Ooookaaaay..." Moon looked at Winter weirdly, then turned to face Kinkajou, who was happily walking up the slope. "Well, I have to go ski. You can join me, if you want." She gracefully slid down the slope. Winter felt like helping her. The slope was so.... big. ''Poor Moon would probably end up breaking her ankle. But Moon didn't seem to need any; her face was perfectly calm, not a trace of worry present on her face. She seemed absolutely sure of what she was doing. Once she was at the end, she formed a triangle with her back talons so she stopped. She almost fell over, but turned out alright. Winter was about to grab a pair of skis from a nearby ski shop when he heard the loud sound of snow crunching and someone panting. It was Turtle, in a green-and-turquoise jacket. His breath appeared as steam, curling out of his mouth before disappearing into the air. "Hello, Winter! Three moons, it's ''cold. ''I mean, in the sea, it can get freezing, but this is just... wow. How do you IceWings SURVIVE?!" Winter rolled his eyes. "Go ahead, ski. By the way, where's Qibli?" "In a spa not far from here," said Turtle. "Wow, my talons are so cold I swear they're about to snap off. Goodbye!" He slid down the slope, screaming. He was obviously inexperienced in this. He fell over when trying to form a triangle, then got up, angrily muttering something to himself as he trudged back up the slope. Kinkajou happily shrieked, "WHEEEEE!" as she slid down. Then she got back up and smiled. "Hey, I have a song to sing!" she said. "Cool," muttered Winter. He went into the ski shop and bought a white-and-blue jacket, bought a pair of ski sticks, some of the ski feet boards, then, right when he was about to ski, Kinkajou erupted into song. "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BARBRA STREISAND! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Winter had had a couple of skiing lessons when he was younger, so he perfectly slid down, then formed a triangle perfectly. He flew back up, not bothering to climb. "Kinkajou, can you please sing another song?" asked Winter, aggravated. "Okay," she said. "RIGHT ABOUT NOW, THE FUNK SOUL BROTHER! CHECK IT OUT NOW, THE FUNK SOUL BROTHER! RIGHT ABOUT NOW, THE FUNK SOUL BROTHER! CHECK IT OUT NOW!" Winter decided to ski once more, when Moon walked up to him. "Winter, here's some medicine I have for you," she said. She gave him a pill. "It's supposed to cure babbling and weird hallucinations." Winter ate it, muttering, "Thanks." But then something weird happened. Moon winked at Winter. "So, Winter. How do you feel?" "Um, fine. Mostly." Winter felt a little light-headed. "Oh, Winter, there's no shame in admitting you find me... adorable." She winked again. Winter blushed blue. "Wait," he said. "YOU READ MY MIND?!" "Uh-huh," said Moon. "Kiss me, Winter. Kiss me so all your dreams will come true." All of a sudden, he heard someone in his mind yell, "DO IT! JUST DO IT! MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE!" So some random force forced him to kiss Moon against his will. Everything flickered, like a TV screen, and abruptly he found himself floating in the universe, his lips pressed against Moon. "DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS!" The same voice echoed across the galaxy. "RIGHT ABOUT NOW! THE FUNK SOUL BROTHER! RIGHT ABOUT NOW! THE FUNK SOUL BROTHER! GO! BRO BRO BRO BRO BRO BRO BRO BRO SOUL BROTHER SOUL BROTHER!' yelled the ear-piercing voice of Kinkajou. "I'm blue, da-ba-dee da ba die, if I were green I would die, I would eat apple pie," sang Turtle as he floated through space and time and the universe. It exploded. "It" is a force so unspeakably vile, it... Winter shrieked, his head was spinning. Qibli randomly appeared next to a swirling blue vortex. "Quick, Winter! Jump into this vortex so everything goes back to normal!" Before Winter could reply, he was sucked in. Everything turned white, then black. He awoke with a terrible headache. He was standing at the same ski resort. He nodded his head until the pain receded to a dull throb. "Pretty neat with how I saved you guys, right?" smirked Qibli. "I suppose," said Winter, eyes narrowed to slits. "How were you there, anyway? Weren't you at the spa or something?" "I was," said Qibli. "But then help called me, so I appeared. Hey, how about we sing a song to lighten up the mood a bit?" "Fine," said Winter. "I know a song! Let's sing the Ice Kingdom national anthem. My favorite song!" He placed a talon over his heart patriotically. "Ugh," whined Kinkajou. "Why? It's not catchy!" "You don't have an anthem yourself. You don't have a say in this," snapped Winter, glaring at the rain dragon. "Anyways, let's start. Ahem... ''Oh, mother Dear Oh, mother Dear We thank you, oh dear mother For the icy trails We thank you, oh dear mother, for the frigid oceans We thank you, oh we thank you, for your promised safety and protection We thank you, oh we thank you, for the endless skies The Great Ice Dragon will help us endeavor The Great Ice Dragon will help us be a happy tribe forever Great Ice Dragon Oh, Great Ice Dragon, how we love you so We work hard for the First Circle, dear one! Our Motherland is worth protecting! Oh mother, we love you so! Oh, Mother, we love you so! Oh, Mother Dear Oh, Mother Dear." Winter stopped and looked around him. "Are you kidding, Winter?" said Winter. "Stomping the ground with your hand over your heart is the most lamest dance move! It's even worse than the dab!" "He be rollin' down the street, he be rollin' to the beat," sang Moon. All of a sudden, the ground split, and everything was in slow motion as Vangelis - Chariots of Fire played in the background. Qibli was dabbing. Moon was running. Kinkajou was opening her mouth, but no words came out. The sun set as the stars came out. A giant CGI-animated frog riding a red unicycle appeared. Winter screamed. A blinding flash. Then silence. A british text-to-speech voice said, "Watch him rolling, watch him go. Watch him rolling, watch him go." Winter awoke in a bed. His heart heaving in and out. "Thank goodness.. It was just a dream." He looked outside. He saw Kinkajou happily skiing down a slope as Moon stayed on the top. "Oh, COME ON!" Rockafeller Skank belongs to Fatboy Slim and I'm Blue (Da Ba Dee) belongs to Eiffel 65. Barbra Streisand belongs to Duck Sauce. Category:Genre (Comedy) Category:Fanfictions Category:Fanfictions (Semi-Canon)